Dangerous Thoughts | Don’t Forget To Ask “Why The F*ck Not?”


I’ve been having this thought a lot lately. Reconsidering these strange notions I have about what I can and cannot do. The limitations I put on myself, for no other reason than I am afraid or unsure. I’ve realized that most of my life I have allowed by doubts and insecurities to get the best of me. I’ve allowed a sense of crippling inferiority or inadequacy to dominate so much of my life that I find myself, at twenty six, utterly and completely adrift. My goals and ambitions put off and self-sabotaged by a serious lack of self esteem and commitment.

But lately. the narrative in my head has changed a bit. I am suddenly feeling compelled to ask this question; Why not me? Why can’t I have everything I want? Why can’t I achieve the goals I set for myself? Why haven’t I allowed myself to be the person I so desperately want to be. And, invariably, the answer is always just that. Because I haven’t allowed myself to. Because I’ve allowed my self-doubt and insecurity to trample my intentions and ideas. Because I’ve put aside my long term goals for short term pleasures. Because I haven’t really pushed myself past the procrastination and the uncertainty and allowed myself to see just what I am capable of.


I’ve read a million and one self help articles, I’ve consumed every magazine I come across that promises to transform my life and make me into the person I ought to be, and while I’ve retained some valuable information that will surely help me along the way, I havn’t gotten a step further along that path. Why? Well, the answer is both incredibly simple and incredibly embarrassing. There is only one reason I’ve not achieved every thing I’ve ever imagined for myself and it’s Me.

There are aspects of my personality I am not proud of; a tendency towards laziness and procrastination. A stubborn streak that makes a mule look obliging. A short fuze and a fiery temper that burns straight through the filter on my brain, so that I say things in anger that I usually regret later. A generally poor sense of self confidence and a serious issue with perfectionism and fear of making mistakes, or worse yet, failing. This all ties together into a lovely little package of anxiety and self doubt that has made it nearly impossible for me to finish or achieve anything. I am constantly second guessing, putting off, or talking myself out of projects and ideas which might, if given the proper attention and effort, be wildly successful. I become so consumed with minutiae and getting every little thing perfect, that no real progress is ever made. I grow frustrated easily, my impatience for results or immediate gratification frequently results in a “well, fuck it” attitude that’s gotten a whole lot of nothing accomplished.

Why The Fuck Not Me?

So, this quote from my girl Mindy Kaling is my new mantra. Why the fuck not me? Why the fuck can’t I go after what I want? Why the fuck can’t I do and achieve and be any goddam thing I want? Give me one good reason….and then I suppose the key is to ignore my overly critical brain and just go and do the damn thing. So maybe I’ll mess up. So what? At least I will have tried. At least I will have given it my all. That’s worth a hell of a lot more than just holding all these ideas and ambitions in my head and not doing a thing with them. It’s certainly more satisfying.

PS; Pardon all the cursing, I’ve got a wicked potty mouth. 

Images via ShopAnnShen, Adam Trageser, LoveThisPic

Hurry Up and Live

I'm addicted to TED talks. They're like perfectly succinct little life lessons on pretty much any topic and I have so many favorites. I only recently stumbled upon this talk by Meg Jay, a clinical psychologist whose research focuses on 20-something's and whose book, The Defining Decade, explores the myriad reasons your twenties are not just a transitional period from adolescent to the important stage of adulthood. It's now on my reading list and this talk has been making me do some incredibly hard thinking about my life and the way I've been looking at things.

She argues that our 20s are some of the most important times of our lives and that waiting around for “adulthood” is one of the most detrimental things we can do to ourselves. In a classic take on the “seize the day” attitude, Jay argues that twenty something's need to stop “killing time” and waiting for life to start and begin recognizing that this is the era in which we shape some of the most fundamental habits and ideas within our lives. She postulates that the relationships, work, experiences, and habits our generation has will be the ones that define us in the coming decades, and if you hope to be a successful, well adjusted adult, your twenties are the age in which you have the opportunity to shape yourself into the person you hope to be.

So stop wasting time. Stop waiting for “real life” to begin. It's already started and you'll be sorry if you look back on this time in your life and realize you were just treading water.


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