Threads + Thoughts | Comparison is the Thief of Joy

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Oh, hey there, Internet. Good to see you again. It has been a while, hasn’t it? Sorry I went all MIA on you. But look! I’m compensating with a photo of me attempting to look sexy and smirky in this rad little shift dress I scored on a Thrift. It’s the perfect weight, length and cut for summer, plus it’s super versatile and looks great paired with damn near anything.  I have a feeling I’m going to be rocking this well into the autumn months (though
 the entire concept of seasons in Southern California is sort of a joke). 

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To be perfectly honest, part of the reason I am so few and far between on the outfit photos is because they are really hard for me. I feel so silly, primping and preening for the camera, even now, after all this time. Even when I have someone else to take my photos, I feel so stilted and unsure of myself as soon as I sense the lens on me. I suppose there is an element of insecurity, the worry of how I look. There are still days where I struggle to like my appearance, still days where I worry that I’m an ugly girl and that self consciousness is particularly keen when I’m in front of the camera.

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A part of the reason I started my style blog was because I realized I avoided cameras. There are huge chunks of my youth in which not a single photo of me exists because I hated having my picture taken. For years I would either flee the room or pull a face whenever a camera pointed in my direction. I still have a hard time smiling for photos, because I think I look like a complete goober when I smile. Hence the eternal RBF (Resting Bitch Face) in all my photos. I know how silly that is, particularly since I spent 2.5 years in braces and get compliments on my smile all the time…but it’s just one of those things, ya know? There’s probably some carryover insecurity from the Before Braces era, when I was a snaggle-toothed little kid who covered her mouth when she smiled.

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I’m still coming to terms with the way that I look. Every day there is the comparison, the concern that I am not pretty enough or not as pretty as someone else. I rarely doubt my own intelligence or sense of humor, but my looks? That is something I am constantly questioning. As I was editing these photos, that nasty, inner critic we all have started doing it’s thing. Gosh, your face is boring. Shouldn’t I have a thigh-gap? Are my knee caps fat? Why in gods name am I concerned about the fatness of my knee caps?? It’s all so silly and trivial and superficial. Who am I comparing myself to? Whose standard of beauty am I not measuring up to? Why am I enforcing that standard on myself?

Recently, the ever lovely and encouraging Gala Darling posted this image on her Facebook page and the sentiment hit me like a fistful of glitter. Just stop. Stop comparing yourself to other people, stop evaluating yourself based on someone else. Here’s a little secret; you never measure up. So just stop doing it. It reminded me of another quote I love, and one I’ll leave you (and my inner critic) with.

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Dangerous Thoughts | Don’t Forget To Ask “Why The F*ck Not?”

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I’ve been having this thought a lot lately. Reconsidering these strange notions I have about what I can and cannot do. The limitations I put on myself, for no other reason than I am afraid or unsure. I’ve realized that most of my life I have allowed by doubts and insecurities to get the best of me. I’ve allowed a sense of crippling inferiority or inadequacy to dominate so much of my life that I find myself, at twenty six, utterly and completely adrift. My goals and ambitions put off and self-sabotaged by a serious lack of self esteem and commitment.

But lately. the narrative in my head has changed a bit. I am suddenly feeling compelled to ask this question; Why not me? Why can’t I have everything I want? Why can’t I achieve the goals I set for myself? Why haven’t I allowed myself to be the person I so desperately want to be. And, invariably, the answer is always just that. Because I haven’t allowed myself to. Because I’ve allowed my self-doubt and insecurity to trample my intentions and ideas. Because I’ve put aside my long term goals for short term pleasures. Because I haven’t really pushed myself past the procrastination and the uncertainty and allowed myself to see just what I am capable of.

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I’ve read a million and one self help articles, I’ve consumed every magazine I come across that promises to transform my life and make me into the person I ought to be, and while I’ve retained some valuable information that will surely help me along the way, I havn’t gotten a step further along that path. Why? Well, the answer is both incredibly simple and incredibly embarrassing. There is only one reason I’ve not achieved every thing I’ve ever imagined for myself and it’s Me.

There are aspects of my personality I am not proud of; a tendency towards laziness and procrastination. A stubborn streak that makes a mule look obliging. A short fuze and a fiery temper that burns straight through the filter on my brain, so that I say things in anger that I usually regret later. A generally poor sense of self confidence and a serious issue with perfectionism and fear of making mistakes, or worse yet, failing. This all ties together into a lovely little package of anxiety and self doubt that has made it nearly impossible for me to finish or achieve anything. I am constantly second guessing, putting off, or talking myself out of projects and ideas which might, if given the proper attention and effort, be wildly successful. I become so consumed with minutiae and getting every little thing perfect, that no real progress is ever made. I grow frustrated easily, my impatience for results or immediate gratification frequently results in a “well, fuck it” attitude that’s gotten a whole lot of nothing accomplished.

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So, this quote from my girl Mindy Kaling is my new mantra. Why the fuck not me? Why the fuck can’t I go after what I want? Why the fuck can’t I do and achieve and be any goddam thing I want? Give me one good reason….and then I suppose the key is to ignore my overly critical brain and just go and do the damn thing. So maybe I’ll mess up. So what? At least I will have tried. At least I will have given it my all. That’s worth a hell of a lot more than just holding all these ideas and ambitions in my head and not doing a thing with them. It’s certainly more satisfying.

PS; Pardon all the cursing, I’ve got a wicked potty mouth. 

Images via ShopAnnShen, Adam Trageser, LoveThisPic

Timewarp | Sassy Magazine October 1990 Twin Peaks Fashion Spread

The Internet Gods have been kind, children. For they, in all their divine wisdom and benevolence, have seen fit to bestow upon us these gorgeous scans of Sassy Magazine‘s fantastic October 1990 fashion spread, inspired by Twin Peaks. Tracked down by the incredibly diligent and gracious Remyrouge, and shared on the addictive tumblr Sassy Magazine LIVES.

I am crying.

Also, I think I just figured out my Halloween costume.

 

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In other Twin Peaks related news; the very smart lady behind the very stylish blog Urban Tease, recently shared her senior thesis for the whole wide internet to read. Entitled “She’s Dead – Wrapped in Plastic”: Unwrapping Rape Culture in Twin Peaks. It’s a fascinating exploration of the underlying themes of misogyny, victim blaming and rape culture within the Twin Peaks narrative.
In addition to being one incredibly intelligent lady, Chloe is also outrageously hip and her style is incredible. Check her out over at Urban Tease.

inspiration | i tie no weights to my ankles

You will find that it is necessary to let things go; simply for the reason that they are heavy by rocketrictic on flickr

 

image by rocketrictic

it is not easy, letting things go, but I’m beginning to realize that carrying all these old hurts around with me has left me buried in the mud up to my thighs. i’m starting to set them aside, but it’s hard not to mull over them as i begin to untangle the heavy ropes binding them to me. there’s a lot of pain in a life. there’s a lot of disappointment. and sometimes it’s easier to focus on those things; those epic wounds, those brutal battles. sometimes, it’s not even easy, sometimes it’s just all you can see. sometimes it may seem as though these things define you. that they shape your life with their pressure, mold your world with their weight. i’m beginning to realize that the only way they can do this if you allow them to. that weight is on your shoulders because you refuse to shrug it off. you keep it there with ropes that bind you to your pain. all the things you are unwilling to forgive or forget. they only define you because you keep them close.

i am beginning to unravel all the stings I have attached. the things keeping me tied to these ancient grudges. i hope in cutting them free i will find some peace.

Don’t Let These Waves Wash Away Your Hopes

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Sometimes things just seem to pile up on top of each other…until you’re afraid you won’t be able to stand up under the weight. Trying to heed the advice of this lovely ink drawing by the talented man behind Sunday Best and Broken Glass on tumblr. Keep your heads above the water. This too shall pass.

DOMA Repealed!! Love Wins! And The Knot Releases Gay Weddings Magazine!

For those of you unaware, California's Supreme Court recently repealed the Defense of Marriage Act, making it possible for gay couples to finally get married. It's a shame it took us so long. And in what may well be one of the most serendipitous releases ever, The Knot has just unveiled the first volume of their new Gay Weddings magazine, which comes in two editions. Predictably, every one of the weddings featured is fabulous, and the brides and grooms are all aglow with the light of love. I've included a few of my favorites below, but check out the full digital issues for even more.

 

brain clutter | things to remember

brain clutter | things to remember

via – myrevelment.com

brain clutter | striking truths store

brain clutter | striking truths store

this lovely letter to entrepreneurs is by Striking Truths.

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